Just My Sister's Kid

I just woke up from a dream that I had a niece. My sister's baby. That it was so cute. That in my head I kind of want to hold it but I didn't say anything. Ugh.

Just Someday, in the Future, I'll Forget What This Poem was Supposed to be About

I'll write this poem for myself.
It's not easy trying to find the right words
Most of the time I just let them flow
At times like these, when I'm feeling heavy, and I want to pour it all out,
but it's hard
that I am hindered,
that I am blocked,
I get frustrated
It's a great time to get the poetic juices flowing
It's a great time to use all the ink
It's hard when it's all forced
This isn't the way it should go
This isn't the way it should be
I'm holding the pen with one topic in mind,
Instead, I'm writing about how I couldn't write about it
I sigh as I set the pen down and go sulk under the sheets

Just Trying a New Format, Not Working Out

What

do 

I 

want

to

write

at 

this

moment?

I'm

pressing

enter

after

each

word 

instead

of

space

because 

I

don't

know

what

to

write

about.

I'm 

doing

it

to 

make

this

post

seem

like

it's

long

when

it's

really

not.

Just Think Pink

A lot of my posts here are about self-loathing and self-hate. Haha. When you see me in real life, though, it doesn't seem like that. I'm always smiling, which I couldn't really control. People would ask me why I'm always smiling. Haha

I got accepted at Offsourcing. The people there seemed cool. Maybe they'd rub off their positive vibes onto me. Like, the surroundings seemed pink and glittery. Like, it seems to be impossible to be sad there. Like, it's giving me a Star Vs. The Forces of Evil feel. I like it.

Just Surreal

Twenty years old. Two decades. Twenty-one in six months. I made it this far. I wondered what being an adult felt like. I wanted to grow up.

I got what I wished for. I guess every kid's dream is to grow up. Well, it seems kind of surreal thinking of all that's happened. Like, holy shit, I am remembering all these stuff, but these all happened a long time ago. I could imagine how I was still small and everyone was taller. I couldn't wait to reach a lot of things; I couldn't wait to reach the monkey bars or the high branches of the trees. That was like, 15 years ago. Flashbacks are so surreal. Being grown up is so surreal.

Just a Short Blogpost to Post

I can feel my heart beating while I'm lying down. Sometimes, when I can't feel it, I panic, wondering if I am still alive. Of course I'm still alive, I'm conscious, I can think.

I just typed too fast and I don't know what to write anymore. Now I just thought of breathing and now I am manually doing it. I hate it when this happens.

I attended my graduating ceremony 5 days ago. I wonder what happens from now on. I wonder what I am supposed to do. I don't like thinking of the future.

Just that My Mom is Getting Old

When you say something to mom, her automatic first response would be "Ha?!".

Cuz she's getting deaf.

Went to a few doctor's appointment.

Stopped saying "ha?!" for a few days but then it's back to repeating yourself again and again.

Mom's getting old.

And I'm impatient.

A bad combination.

Just Funny because It's True

Sometimes, things are funny because they're true.

Just Not that Thankful Anymore

The only thing that died when I tried to kill myself was my sense of gratitude.

Just that We All are Different, and Not Being a Nihilist is Not that Bad

No matter how hard a fish would try to climb a tree, it would be impossible. It would need years of evolution to achieve its ambition. When that time arrives, its descendants would climb trees at ease. However, the fish that originated and pioneered that dream would be dead by then, never knowing that thousands of fish are now climbing trees because of him, because of his silly dreams, because of what he had started. It did not know that the impossible could be possible, that it would be possible after many lifetimes. A small thing that you started could ripple into a big wave a million years from now. Still, the fish was not able to taste the sweetness of a fulfilled dream himself. A tragedy with a happy ending.

Just Went to the Final Job Interview Earlier

When I'm not feeling shitty, I'm feeling manic. Man, there's just no calm moment.
Oh well, that's life, my life, at least. I don't know about yours. A lot, I've missed
When I say I'm happy, there's an excess of it. When I say I'm sad, I am depressed.
Still, I feel good, better than most days, even when I got rejected by Convergys.
Not looking forward to work. That would get rid of my smirk.
Rejection, I find a good thing. Next week, I'll be marching cuz I'm graduating.
Maybe I'll feel shitty later, before I sleep. Maybe it would also be never.
I'll try to be more positive. I'll try to beat my hunch, that I'll be dying before 30.
Time is fast. In a blink of an eye, I'll be 70.