Just Another YouTube Video

I uploaded another YouTube video. Here it is. 

https://youtu.be/hwGX509jHNU

Please, let it get a lot of view. I spent a lot of time on it.

Just Pumpkin Pie

We made pumpkin pie today. It was delicious.

It's December, wow. I'm still unemployed. 

I've been working on a 3-minute animation for almost a month now.

I streamed last December 1. It didn't get much views.

I had an impacted wisdom tooth removed last November 28. I took a selfie that I don't remember taking. My sleep got messed up for a long time, maybe until now, by the sedation. 

Went to the gynecologist last December 3. She didn't find any problems.

Went to church last December 1. I'm sorry, Lord, for not going today. 

I haven't been playing Pokemon Go. The last time I played for community day, my outer and inner hip hurt. 

I finished the Down Dog Yoga November challenge. 

Been rinsing my tooth hole with water from a syringe. Maybe I shouldn't overdo it. Maybe it's the clot and not food I'm cleaning out. 

We bought a pothos plant and a succulent last month. We repotted the monstera and snake plant. Wait, no. Is it called a snake plant? I forgot.

Just Promoting This Video Here

I don't know if anyone is even viewing this blog. But if any of these bots that are making the stats increase has a teeny tiny chance to be an actual human, I hope you watch this video I made. 

https://youtu.be/qlKY3yuLG34

I am hoping a little bit that it blows up. The realistic part of me thinks that's not gonna happen. I really wish it did, though. It would be kinda sick.

Just Whatever's Wrong with Me, I Hope It's Nothing, but at the Same Time, I Don't Care

I went to the Notdienstpraxis today because there was blood in my urine. I noticed some red spots yesterday when I peed, but I wasn't sure if it was from my butt or my bladder. The past week I've been noticing some weird smell on my pee, too, that reminded me of my mom lmao. I thought it was a hormonal thing, but it turns out it was a bacterial infection. I've been scratching a lot, too because it was often itchy. Hmm...

I have a dentist appointment on Monday to get my jaw checked. It hurt a lot a month ago that I couldn't fully open my mouth. It hurts to yawn, too. It's slightly better now. There's still a mild pain when I yawn. Yesterday, though, there's been referred or maybe radiating pain on my neck and the back of my head and sometimes my face. The ankle pain is still slightly there, but I'm choosing to ignore it now, like my mild hip pain. The pins and needles sensation on my arms, elbows and hands still come and go. 

Haha. Anyway. Just some health update here so I can note down the symptoms I'm feeling just in case they ask since when I've been having them.

Just Inktober

I decided to do the inktober challenge this year. I didn't do it in the previous years because I didn't want to start something I can't commit to or something I know I can't finish. Another reason was to see if I can be consistent with art, and maybe do it as a profession, like being an animator or illustrator. I downloaded Clip Studio Paint a month ago. I wanted to use the whole 30-day free trial but I my attention was focused on inktober and using actual ink. I guess the trial's expired now.

I really wanted to quit in the middle of the challenge. My husband made me push all the way through. Haha. The prompts were too repetitive or synonymous. It was hard to be creative. I did my own thing by having a banana in each drawing, too. Anyway, here are my drawings:

Day 1: Backpack

Day 2: Discover

Day 3: Boots

Day 4: Exotic

Day 5: Binoculars

Day 6: Trek

Day 7: Passport

Day 8: Hike

Day 9: Sun

Day 10: Nomadic

Day 11: Snacks

Day 12: Remote

Day 13: Horizon

Day 14: Roam

Day 15: Guidebook

Day 16: Grungy

Day 17: Journal

Day 18: Drive

Day 19: Ridge

Day 20: Uncharted

Day 21: Rhinoceros

Day 22: Camp

Day 23: Rust

Day 24: Expedition

Day 25: Scarecrow

Day 26: Camera

Day 27: Road

Day 28: Jumbo

Day 29: Navigator

Day 30: Violin

Day 31: Landmark

Just Want Her to Fuck Off

Yesterday, we met with sensei. I'm writing it now because it's been living in my mind rent-free. She keeps insisting I should make friends, talk to native German people. She keeps insisting enrolling in a course is better. Sure, yeah. But I DON'T WANT TO. I FEEL DEPRESSED WHEN I SOCIALIZE. THE HIGH DURING THE MOMENT AND THEN I JUST CRASH BY THE TIME I'M HOME. 

She brought textbooks ffs. She thought I was still A1-A2. I DON'T WANT TO KEEP BEING FRIENDS WITH HER ANYMORE. 

Anyway, yesterday morning, we had a video chat with k and b. It was because k's gf asked for a break. I shouldn't be writing this here.

Just Germaning a Couple Paragraphs

Hab heute mit jemandem getroffen. In einem Café. Hab mein Deutsch geübt. 

Ich zeichnete. Es war schwer. Ich will verbessern.

Just Physical Pains

It's been constant during my menstrual cycle. The upper left part of my back. The sudden pinching heart pain that goes away after a second. Right now it's by the back of my neck, lower left side. This snapping part of my left collar bone by my neck, like a vein or a nerve, since 2016. Sometimes I feel like my heart's not beating (it is) and I try to jerk my foot or leg to snap out of that trance, and that little surprised feeling when someone jump-scares you comes. Yeah, what is that feeling that you're constantly being jump-scared? Anxiety? Lmao

Every time I mention these stuff to a doc they have no idea what I'm talking about since my vitals and tests are normal. Man. I guess I'm sticking to mindfulness and therapy techniques or whatever. Probably just anxiety or whatever.

Just a Dream with an Annoying Little Shit

Just had a dream where I just wanted to be an NPC. I think it was a graduating high school kind of setting, a setting I don't want to go back to, because that's when all my mental health downfall began. In the dream I wanted to go to the guidance counselor to discuss this, how I'm feeling depressed, but the buildings were like malls, and it was hard to get around. I had a "don't bother me" face. I remember I had stuff left in the classroom. I remember that Kim M. was there and I was unintentionally mean. I remember I had a boyfriend and I was also unintentionally mean. Then there was the black bird guy who was being an annoying little shit. Tried to get me angry because I was emotionless. I guess that was his way to cheer me up. I remember being lifted up to the ceiling and got a little mad. I tried to walk around trying to avoid everybody I know.

Just Finished an Embarrassing Animation

Finally finished this vid

https://youtu.be/Hn7cI6Wq9Lc  

Just Practicing This Language

Ich versuche deutsch zu schreiben. Muss mehr üben. Ich gehe nicht so oft raus und treffe keine leute. 

Schon August. Hab mein aufenthaltstitel erhalten. 

Heute hab ich meine Animation gezeichnet. Mein ehemann hilft mir. Er leiht mir seinen computer durch meinen laptop. Desktop Sharing.

Ich will beten, dass ich erfolgreich werde. Ich möchte mein YouTube Kanal erfolgreich sein. Gott ist dabei obwohl ich nicht bete. Ich fühle mich noch komisch wenn ich bete. Es würde dankbar, wenn Er mich vergeben kann. 

Meine Sätze sind schlicht. Denke dass ich nicht b2 schreiben kann. Ugh.

Edit:

I can't really update really well if I'm writing in german. Lol. Can't express fully.

I decided to take a break from pokemon go for the month of august. I want my left leg to heal and I should pause, if playing this game is the cause of the pain. 

Apartment is 70% home-y, I guess. He still needs to install the lamps and the kitchen shelf. We need to throw the mountain of cardboard. I should arrange the table in his work room. The clothes cabinet is so *chef's kiss*. He's ordering a new microwave since the one that arrived is crappy. I think we still need a bigger fridge. I miss our induction stove. I miss the cold weather. Summer is too warm. I should call my mom soon. She probably misses me and needs someone to talk to.

Just Hope He Doesn't See This

The only thing I remember from my dream last night was that carb was playing pokemon go with another of his friends and he could see my location and went there, like it felt like he wanted to meet me. I think I'm reality it was the other way around.

Just Gonna Write Some Stuff

Been a few days of not taking 25mg quetiapine for sleep and being able to sleep. The military method is working. :D

Have I mentioned we moved? Yesterday we went to IKEA to shop for furniture.

Last Saturday it was an Elite Raid for Mega-Rayquaza. Husband wanted to tag along. He didn't shower when I asked him to cuz I didn't tell him about the urgency. Only when I said there's gonna be a raid at 12 pm, which I said at 11:30am. At 12pm, there were people in the gym but we were still at home. Tried to rush there but it was too late. Went to another one but it was too late again. Asked him to send a message to the guy with my campfire account cuz I can't do it in German. Luckily he answered and said they were heading to the gym we were at before. I got two new rayquaza. Enough mega energy now. Husband had a shiny one. ( ,, •̀ ⤙ •́ ,,)

What led me to write right now was my sudden feeling of melancholy. Not sure if it was sudden. I took a nap this afternoon. Didn't do yoga. Biked to the bürgerbüro. Husband asked for my passport. Showed him both of ours. He said he didn't need his so I put it back. In the back of my mind I thought we should've brought it just in case but we didn't. It turns out we did need it. Lmao.

Don't like how he's stubborn when I say we should sleep. He ends up doing a thousand more of other things before he's in bed with me. He takes his time before he does what I ask. I try not to ask him much anymore since I know what the outcome is. That's what I'm willing to compromise. He has a lot more of good qualities that outweighs this one. He has initiative and does a lot for the both of us. I love him.

I should sleep now. Good night.

Just Sickness

Calendar says 7 days before my period. Idk, I feel like it's been recurring that I've been having quick nosebleeds a week before my period starts. Idk anymore (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠) am I just being a hypochondriac or is it really just the dry air ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ

Idk if I said this here before but part of me is telling myself that I want to die anyway... So... 

Ignore my symptoms? Or actually give a shit cuz I get frantic when I'm feeling stuff?

Blood test was normal tho. So...

I haven't done an x-ray for more than a year, but it has all been normal. 

Fuck this shit.

Just Don't Want to Go Back to Sleep for a Moment

Because I just had a nightmare and it might continue if I go back go sleep now even though the sleep inertia's really strong. 

In it, it was raining a lot. Outside was a little flooding. I was depressed about being bipolar. Kept making suicide jokes. Was suicidal. Gene took me to a room where she's manning a booth where they're gonna do The Feast. Eizu was there to help. Was still depressed and suicidal. Wanted to go home.

Was in a jeep. It was still raining. Two other girls were there. One girl was wearing a school uniform. There was lightning that struck somewhere, like a tree. The metal parts of the jeep were grounded. We tried not to hold them or lean on them. My right hand that was holding a rail got burned and it was smoking. I tried to tell the girl her hair was burning. We tried to get out the jeep while it was stopped because of the traffic. Tried to help the girl get out but her seatbelt was stuck. Jeep somehow tilted to the side. 

We went back to the jeep. A boy got in. It was scaring me. One of the girls said not to touch or be bad towards him cuz he's a bad entity. I was being mean to him cuz he was taking my stuff. I was looking at his face and it was scaring me and then I woke up with a clear image of his face. So I don't want to go back to sleep for now cuz nightmares suck.

Just a Nostalgic Dream

Last night I dreamed about my 5th grade English teacher, ma'am Algas. It made me feel like she made learning easier, that everything was easier back when I was in elementary. It gave me nostalgia. The dream was probably related to Jaden Animation's adhd video where she said about she was more organized as a kid and had it all together back then. It was a little relatable.

Just My Dream Last Night

I wanted to remember the part where my maternal grandmother saw someone's neck being cut off and then she fainted. 

Just Wanted to Tweet the First Paragraph and Thought, Why Not Here?

Going to sleep to escape depression and then dreaming about being depressed and wanting to @#-+ ʕ⁠ノ⁠•⁠ᴥ⁠•⁠ʔ⁠ノ⁠ ⁠︵⁠ ⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

I hate bipolar disorder.

Also, in the dream, I was feeling really down, and then I thought of this person, Pluto, and then he showed up in my dream. It was so unreal. And then I woke up. And that explained it. It was just a dream. 

My mood is in the lower side now. 

Yesterday, we hung out and watched Kiki's delivery service in German. Then went to Hans im Glück to eat. It was E's birthday. 

I always feel down in the middle of a gathering. It would be nice if it's like with other people where they feel recharged and their mood gets lifted when they hang out with other people.

Just Kept Postponing a Blogpost

Lmao I procrastinated writing here so much that it's almost the end of the month.

Well, to summarize the month:

1. Dota

2. Doctor visit. Got a refill for my meds. Not lupus. Not arthritis. Normal blood results. Not much done for my shin pain. I've been doing self stretches learned from YouTube. Got a psych appointment next Tuesday.

3. Went to one German class to try out. I don't know why I don't want to go when I need it. I guess I don't want to spend that much money. Too many people outside too.

4. I have 3 German learning materials.

5. Didn't edit any video for YouTube. Why do I keep playing dota?

6. Telling myself I'm uninstalling after 3000 hours. (I almost have 2960 now.)

7. Teeth pain. Period starting. Back pain. Anus pain. Idk 

That's it for this blog. Maybe I should write in German next time, for practice.

Just Blogging in Bed

This whole month I've been playing Sea of Stars and Dota 2. In the back of my mind I'm thinking that I really should make the Watching Frieren as a German Learner video. Starting is so very hard. I can't. 

I kept looking up for Fibromyalgia, Lupus, and Endometriosis. Maybe it's none of these, and my shins and legs just need a lot of rest. The difficulty in breathing sometimes? Maybe it's just anxiety. Ugh. Man.

This day and yesterday, we were looking for a psychiatrist since my meds are running out next week. I think we've waited this long because of the insurance update. 

Sometimes I dream that I'm still back in the Philippines. Sometimes I dream that I'm walking in for a check up easily, not needing any appointments, just needing to wait for hours. Sometimes, when I'm half asleep, I forget that the guy sleeping next to me is my husband lol that I get shy if I bothered him with cuddles. 

Just thought of writing because I haven't yet for this month. And I don't want this blog to die.

Just Writing This from His Computer

Not sure if I have written a blog on this computer before, but I'm using it as a title hehe

Well, it has been 10 days since I got married. Yup, I got married last Feb 29. I wished I talked to his female friend who sat beside me more. I don't know why I get bored when people start to talk to me lmao Like, I only half-listen. Maybe if I had drinks I could, but I am not allowed to. I had a shot at the end of the evening, though. Lol. First time in two years I think. The next day of the wedding, we hung out with catboy and his friend. I knew I had to call my family as soon as I got married because they would be wanting to know how it went. I only got to do that two days after the wedding.

These 10 days have been pretty chill. I think we mostly watched anime and played our own games. Him with his Witch Spring R and me with my Dota 2. Also, he got a new phone. I guess I could use his old one to play Pokemon Go with, when I have quests that needs more than one player.

Last night I was feeling depressed. We didn't get to watch Frieren on Friday because we were mostly playing. But yeah, I "frieren-cried". And after that I had this wave of depression coming on, which led me to cry in bed beside him. lol. Idk how to answer him when he asks me what the problem is, when it's completely random, and he doesn't believe me. 

It was my mom's birthday yesterday so I ordered from Sugar Sprout a few days prior. I think he found out who I was from the discord server XD

I guess that's all I can write for now. I don't want to write about other stuff.

Just Don't Know Why, Though

 I'm feeling sad and depressed.

Just Feeling Physical Pain

I am in fucking pain. My left hip. Earlier it was my the center hip where it connects the spine. Fucking help. Is this an autoimmune disease?

Just Not Forgetting to Update Here

Okay, so it's almost the end of the month and I have not made a post for February 2024. I just didn't think of this blog for a while, lol. But it's not going to be dead. I won't forget about it like all the other blogs I follow. Hehe. 

Anyway, next week, I'm going to get married. It's a civil wedding. The plan is to get married again in the Philippines during mass. 

Maybe I should first type about what has happened since I last posted here? I'll try to remember, lol.

Should I start from today up or from the top down? Idk. lol Maybe the latter.

I'm just going to base from pics on my album, convos on discord, and other stuff for the accuracy haha

Sun, Jan 28 - I guess I played pogo like I always do. And I guess we went to church at St. Stephan.

Mon, Jan 29 - Went to the City Registry. Their system didn't work so we had to go the next day. Went back home to leave our stuff then went to Marianne's Flammkuchen. My legs were getting tired on the way so he rented an electric scooter and I back rode.

Tue, Jan 30 - Went back to the City Registry. I am now officially living in Germany. Was playing PoGo in the meantime so I wanted to go to a gym. After that, I saw a gate and it was a cemetery. We walked around and the graves here are more aesthetic than those back home. We also went to an electronic store cuz he wanted to look at phones. I got bored and went to a corner where there were plushies and nerdy stuff.

Wed, Jan 31 - I guess I video-called with my mom since it has been a week since I got here. Told her about how I used my guy's facial cleanser and it irritated my face. Told my dad how I attended mass in German. Played PoGo.

Thu, Feb 1 - Was looking up doctors that are covered by my insurance. Was looking up facial products, too. Borrowed his scooter to play PoGo for a bit. I remember a kid was faster than me lmao Meanwhile, when he went to the bois', he said he fell from riding an electric scooter. Since he was eating carbonara with them, I was left alone at home. I thought I could manage without eating but I ate some ice cream from the fridge and cup noodles that are added with lettuce and tomato.

Fri, Feb 2 - Was sketching up how our wedding cake would look like while he was looking up restaurants. Probably stayed at home the whole day while watching anime or playing a game while it's his day off.

Sat, Feb 3 - Same thing as yesterday? Idk lmao

Sun, Feb 4 - Put make up. Dressed up pretty. Met his japanese teacher, his russian co-student, and best man (whom I already know, I just don't want to mention his name) at the cafe. Since it was Chansey community day, I wanted to leave early. Later on, we went to watch The Boy and the Heron. We thought it would be the original sound with English subtitles, but it was German-dubbed with no subtitles. But I didn't mind that much cuz they were speaking clearly and I know enough German already.

 

Okay, I need a breather from writing all that stuff. I'm not even halfway through. It's Feb 22 ffs. I don't think I can finish it haha Maybe I'll write below some "important" highlights that I can't write in the format above. 

- I made choc on Feb 13th for Valentines day. On the 14th I asked him to "check the fridge" cuz I forgot to close it or sth but he was so stupid lmao said it was probably fine and then I told him he really should check it before he showers and he did and I took a video of it too.

- Feb 14 was also Ash Wednesday. I didn't want to go last minute but he came home and we went to church. The mass was in Italian. We both couldn't understand Italian.

- Was ordering from the doner restaurant for a couple days. Told him I might be a regular there now. He said please don't cuz it was expensive.

- Gave him the idea to buy groceries like we did back home unlike him who buys just ingredients on the day he cooks.

- I now cook breakfast for myself and maybe dinner too if no one's being lazy and not ordering from the Chinese restaurant.

- He failed to make mochi twice. I made mochi today and it was better than his attempts.

- I think I still played Dota 12v12 in the previous days so *that* and PoGo are the highlights of most of my days, I guess.

- Okay, maybe something about my pain. I can't walk with flat shoes, or bare feet, for a long time because my heels would hurt. It's not only my shin that would hurt anymore but also my hip and ankles and knees. When I'm ovulating or anytime my hormones become unstable the upper left and upper right sides of my abdomen hurt.

- I'm not sure how long I've been writing this post but just as I was writing this line, my laptop timer stretch reminder thingy just popped up, which means it has been an hour since I turned on the laptop.

- He's playing lethal company with his bros since earlier, after we finished two episodes of One Punch Man. Oh yeah, we finished Dororo, too. 

I guess this is all I can write now. Not bad for not writing anything for almost a month, right? Haha

I just remembered how we dropped off my wedding dress last Monday for cleaning and we're going to pick it up tomorrow. He's also having a haircut tomorrow. Hehe.

Alright, adios.

Just Thought of Writing a Post

Hey, I'm in Germany for 5 days now. Did a lot of heh on the first day. Silly dude wrote a post it note counting the times. I think it's being forgotten now.

Man, these symptoms. The something in my chest when I'm having my period. The unexplainable but not excruciating type of pain and fatigue that makes me stare into space at the grocery store. Like, they just suddenly hit me, and I'm trying to just ignore it. I'm probably not supposed to. One of the scaly patches on my arms (this one on my left arm) looks dark. Idk, fam.

Today, we went to a tasting for the filling of our cake. Lanie's is a Filipina. 

Earlier today, I went on a shadow ho-oh raid. Met one player. Couldn't catch the first one, tried to go to a second one. It was nice that the two gyms were near each other.

Kinda tired to type now. Good night.

Edit: this morning i tried to tie it myself. Lol.

feb 22 edit: before i forget what i meant on the line above, i meant the shibari ropes. lol.

Just 2024

Alright, I set the blog back to public now. Hopefully, those bots increasing my views won't come back (it probably will, lol). 

It's only going to be 14 weeks now 🥹 I'll be leaving this country for good. There will be less inconveniences to be experienced. I mean, there will be at the beginning because of the bureaucracy, but still, it's better than living somewhere where the environment, leaders, economy, etc. make you live in hard mode. 

The first week of the year was alright. I mostly played 12v12 dota. I couldn't go back to jogging since my left shin still hurts. Sometimes it connects to my knee. My left elbow also hurts. My right elbow sometimes hurts. Both connect to the ring and pinky finger, and the side of the hand. 

Right now, I caught my bro and sis' cold. Day two of only drinking black tea to relieve it. I boiled some water yesterday for my shower. It was so 🤌🏽 Didn't go to church cuz I don't want to spread the germs. Dad reprimanded me when he got home, not knowing the reason why I didn't go 🙄

I added a widget to my homescreen with a checklist that says:

• FINISH ANIMATION 

• NO MORE RICE

• NO MORE DOTA

But I still ended up playing dota, eating rice, and not touching the animation I did last November. I really should, though. So I would have something to upload this month.

M, J and I wanted to meet up for dinner last Friday. But M was feeling sick while still having to go to work. Then she was absent from work the next day, and postponed the dinner next week. I should tell them to make it on Friday since I have a thing with S on Saturday. Bead shopping.

I messaged B about meeting up one last time, too. But she said we couldn't make it since she leaves to mnl on the 12th. I just messaged her now if it's ok to go that café near the airport.

I want to try on the wedding dress with the hair and make up to show it to my family. 

I should go to the psych before leaving.

I should pack up soon.

I hope I don't forget anything before I go.