I jumped a cliff, but not just any cliff. The cliff reached
the heavens. Down below was a sea of dead bodies, which I figured that, jumped
from the same cliff. When I reached the bottom, it was ecstasy, if that’s the
word. I was very high. My body flew like it was weightless. I felt so happy
that I did not feel my troubles worry me. Of course, I was dead.
It wasn’t my body, it was my soul. It separated from my
body. God, I was exuberating with joy. I never felt that exultant. I was lifted
up. Next thing I know, I felt pain at my back. I guess it was give-and-take.
Pain for the joy I had. The pain was so excruciating that I vomited. I didn’t
think it was possible for a soul to vomit. It wasn’t like human vomit. It was
like the aurora borealis coming out of my mouth, filled with bright colors. The
pain continued, and then, wings came out of my back. My wings took me higher to
the sky, and the pain was gone. I was back in my euphoric state.
I traveled around. I tasted the clouds, manipulated the
thunders, and felt the wind beneath my wings. After a while, I got bored. I
decided to go back to my hometown. I flew back to the place where I was from. I
sat by a skyscraper. I could see the city. It was already night time, so the
metropolis was glowing with lights. There was a newspaper blown by a wind. I
caught it. It was yesterday’s paper. The headline says “Girl jumps of Cliff of
Heaven and dies”. I read the details. The girl’s name was Elena Roive.
The girl’s name seemed familiar. I can’t shake the feeling
that I knew her from somewhere. My head hurt from thinking about it. I didn’t
think it was possible, considering I am only a soul now. I flew to an
apartment. I knocked at room 401. Huh, it didn’t make a sound. I pushed my hand
through the door. It went through, dragging my whole ‘body’ with me. In the
room, I saw a coffin. It was brown. I always wanted a brown casket. It was
decorated with white roses, coming from different families. On the coffin lid
was a ribbon with the words “in loving memory of Elena Roive”. It was the girl
from before. I looked through the glass. I saw the girl’s face, scratched with
scars and bruises. I looked closely, and then I remembered, the girl was me. I
turned around; saw people with sad faces, weeping. I was paranoid. I looked in
the mirror. I saw my reflection, only it wasn’t the same with the girl in the
casket. I only saw a glowing light outlining a body, kind of like a white fire,
mixed in with the aurora. I held my head down. It was painful. It sent me to my
knees. And then, a force sucked me into a portal and teleported me to another
place. I lost my memories of what happened next.
I woke up. Everything
was white. It was only me. I tried to remember what happened. So my name is
Elena Roive, or at least I used to be. I sat down and grabbed my knees. I
rested my head on my knees. I heard a sound. Kind of like those lasers. I
looked afar; there was not a thing in sight. Then I heard someone whisper “boo”
in my ear. I was startled. I turned around and I saw a guy, with wings. He had
a piece of paper. He read it.
“Hmmm. Elena Roive, jumped of the Cliff of Heaven. I see,”
he said. He then showed me the paper he was holding. It said “Elena Roive:
jumped off of the Cliff of Heaven”.
“Do you know what this means?” he asked while burning the
paper with his hands. I shook my head no. “It means that you will be stuck here
forever, in this white abyss. It’s not all that bad. Now you have enough time
to think and contemplate about your past life. I’ll leave you here then. Bye!”
“Wait!” I screamed as he snapped his fingers and disappeared into a tiny light.
What did he mean by that? I still had my wings, though. I
can contemplate about my past life? Oh right, I jumped off a cliff, and not
just any cliff, THE Cliff of Heaven. There are a lot of rumors about that
cliff. Well, I guess this was one of it, getting stuck in a white abyss once
you die.
I lied down and started thinking of what made me jump off
the cliff. My memories from my past are slowly coming back to me now. It led me
back a few weeks ago. I was practicing with my musical instruments. Music was
my life. I remember having a phone call that day. It didn’t go so well. It was
from my friend. He said he wants me to come over to his place, to which I did.
I brought with me some food.
When I got there, he greeted me with a kiss. I thought he
was having a hard time. He was just a friend to me. It really surprised me. I
pushed him away. The food was wasted.
“I’m sorry. I have to tell you something,” he said.
“What the bananas is wrong with you?” I asked.
“I’m sorry. Lena, I have to tell you. I like you, a lot,” he
said.
He proceeded to kiss me again. This time, I didn’t have the
strength to fight him. He was too strong. He dragged me to his bed room. He
reached his hand in my shirt and groped me. I tried to get away. He pulled me
back. I was screaming. He continued to kiss me. I tried to kick him away to no
effect. He started taking his shirt off. He unbuttoned mine. He touched my
butt, and started to reach into my skirt. He started to remove my underwear. He
pushed me to his bed. He unbuttoned his pants and started to rape me.
When he was done, I cried, hard. I clothed myself. He tried
to help me, but I just pushed him away. I left as fast as I could. He tried to
call out to me to try to explain everything but I was already gone. I reached
home and cried there.
My flashback ended as I opened my eyes. I was still there,
in the white abyss. I realized I wanted to escape. This wasn’t heaven. I don’t
want to be agonized by my memories. So I flew up. I flew higher and higher. It
seemed like the sky was infinite. When I was so high, I bumped to a ceiling and
gravity was reversed. The ceiling was now the ground. I was back to where I was
from. I lost my consciousness from the impact.
I was back in my house. I awoke after I cried. I checked the
time, it was 6pm. I heard a knock on the door. I fixed myself before opening
it. It was him again. I slammed the door in front of his face.
“I should explain” he said as he knocked the door again.
I opened the door.
“Okay. Go on.”
“Can I come in?”
I invited me to come in my house. We sat at the living room.
“I really like you a lot, Lena.” He said.
“But that is no excuse for what you did, Rex.” I responded.
“Lena, I…” “Get out!” “But” “Get out, now!”
Rex went headed to the door. “I just want to say I am very
deeply sorry for what I have done. And all I wanted was to protect you.”
I closed the door and cried again. How was raping me trying
to protect me? All of this was so messed up.
The next week, I
heard the news that Rex has died. I also haven’t been feeling well for a couple
of days. The news didn’t help.
I realized that I skipped a period. I couldn’t believe it. I
bought a pregnancy test to make sure. It was negative. I peed on it again to
make sure. Still, it was negative. One last time, it was positive. My head was
filled with thoughts of how I was pregnant with Rex’s child. I couldn’t stand
of the thought of being a mom, especially being a rape victim.
I couldn’t handle it. It was too much, too much pain. The
father of my child is dead. I was a rape victim, with a child. I would be a
single mom. I’ve never cried so hard. I really couldn’t believe it. So I went
to the doctor to make sure.
I breathed a sigh of relief that it was just a false
pregnancy test and that I wasn’t pregnant. But, in came the bad news. She said
I had a cyst in my ovary, and it was too late for it to be treated. It wasn’t
treatable, she said. She gave me approximately a year to live.
First, I was raped. Then, I got a cyst. What could possibly
go wrong, right? When I got home, I realized I haven’t locked the door, and
guess what? I got robbed. All of my instruments were gone, all of them. My
guitars, my piano, my flute, my violin, my drums, all of them, all of them were
gone. I called the cops. The line was busy. It seemed like there were other
things they were busy to attend to.
I heard a loud crash. I looked outside. There was smoke
rising. I went there. It looked like the guys who tried to steal my instruments
crashed their stealing truck. Huh, just my luck. The other people around the
area helped me contact the police and bring the stolen instruments back to my
house. From there, one of the guys who robbed me shot me.
I opened my eyes. I was in the white abyss again. Everything
was white. I lied down on the floor. A tear fell from my eye. What did I do to
deserve all of this? I looked at my hand, and it looked like my hand, not like
the reflection I saw in the mirror back at the apartment. I looked at my wings.
They looked beautiful. I started to walk. I walked forward. I walked for
minutes. Then the minutes turned to hours. It seemed like the abyss really was
infinite.
I sat down and rested, still recounting the days when I was
still alive. I remember waking up in the hospital. The pain from the gunshot
wound was still lingering. He shot me on my hip. God, it was so painful. I
wanted it all to end. I heard whispers at the end of the room. it was something
about someone jumping off from “The Cliff of Heaven”. I heard rumors of that
cliff, one stating that if you jump from that cliff, you would go to heaven,
even though suicide leads you to hell.
A guy in a white uniform came to me. “Good news, Ms. Elena
Roive,” he said. “You can be released today. Don’t worry about the bill.
Someone has already taken care of it. And don’t worry about the guy who shot
you. It was found that he has committed suicide.”
He did not say what kind of suicide. But I figured he jumped
off that “cliff”. I heard rumors of that cliff; one stating that if you have
killed someone, that cliff will call out to you to jump off of it.
I came back to my senses. Time. I became unaware of the time I had spent in that abyss. I
don’t know if it was already days, months, or years I have been here. I have
forgotten about the concept of time.
I guess with all the time I have here, I can play all I want. I flew high, to
feel euphoria. I looked down at all the white down below. I looked up at all
the white above. From left to right, forward and back, everything was white.
Even time was white. I flew too high
again and bumped my head, again.
Gravity switched too. I didn’t lose
consciousness this time. I just rested with my back on the ground.
I was at home again. I felt pain, not by my hip, but by my
womb. It didn’t seem normal. Maybe it was the cyst acting up. I visited my
doctor if she could give me any pain killers.
“Good news,” she said. “Turns out, you don’t have a cyst. It
was actually a fetus. You are pregnant! And it’s a boy! Congratulations!” she
said with a wide grin on her face.
I didn’t know how to feel about it. Should I feel happy that
I wasn’t dying? Or should I not be happy because I am bearing the son of a
rapist?
I went home feeling tangled up inside. There’s a baby inside
me, an unwanted baby. I don’t know what gone into my head. I decided not to
keep it. I decided to abort him. But I wanted the baby to have a name; I decided
its name to be Axle.
I know, naming a baby and deciding to abort it is the
evilest thing a person will do. But that baby is made from evil. And it should
die the evilest thing possible, abortion.
I went to my doctor to have an abortion. She was surprised
about it, but didn’t refuse. Three hours in the operating table and the
operation was a success. I have aborted Axle. I thanked my doctor and went home
directly. When I got home, I started to hear a voice.
“Do you want to go to heaven? Let’s go to heaven.”
I followed the voice to where it was. I was walking. I didn’t
notice that I was already outside the city and was already climbing a mountain.
“Come closer” it said.
I went higher, next thing I know I was already at the cliff.
“Jump,” the voice said. “You will feel happier than ever
before. You will not have any worries.”
“I trust you,” I said to the voice. I shouldn’t have trusted
it. If I haven’t, I wouldn’t be in the abyss now.
Another tear fell from my eye. One of the rumors was true. If
you have killed someone, that cliff will call out to you to jump off of it.
I cried loudly. I punched the floor while I was hurting
inside. I never thought a soul can still feel pain. Apparently, it still can. I
punched and punched and punched, until I heard something.
I heard my mother cry. I wiped off the fog on the floor, and
there, I saw my funeral, from above. I screamed at the people there.
“Mom, I’m still here!” I cried. “Can’t you hear me?” My
voiced cracked as I was about to cry again. I punched the floor again, calling
the people below. They can’t hear me. They cannot hear me…
I watched as they lowered my body in the hole they dug for
me. It was depressing to watch. I regretted the day that I followed the voice
that led me here.
Axle…
That was the name of my son to be. He was the boy who was
not given the chance to live, the baby who didn’t stand a chance.
I am so sorry…
I thought of why Rex did that to me. He said that he wanted to protect me. Who the heck protects someone by raping them? Now I know, being in this abyss, with some time for thoughts. He was protecting me from others. He wanted to be the one who pops my cherry. That was his sign of possession. He wanted me. He said he liked me a lot. I also heard that Rex was already dying, to which he did.
Now I remember. It was my own will. No one called me to go
to that cliff. I wanted to die. Suicide is also like abortion, so many people
want to be an authority on saving a life, but no one gives a shit how that
person has to get through life afterward. I figured that I was already
suffering enough, that I was going to die anyway. Being raped, being pregnant,
being robbed, and being shot to the hip, everything was so miserable. Prior to
me dying, my father died.
Yes, my father died. He had a heart attack. Everything happened
in less than a month, and how my friends reacted didn’t help. You see, my father
was overweight. My friends made fun of me for him being overweight. I remember
one of them saying “guess he got what he deserved for being so fat”. I thought
they were my friends though.
I didn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t handle the pain. So I decided
to kill myself, by jumping off the Cliff of Heaven, because they said that if
you jump from this particular cliff, you would still go to heaven.
And I believed that silly rumor. It’s such a shame that I did.
It left me here, all alone, watching the lives of other people, regretting
everything that I have done, and wishing that I was still alive.
