Just This Month's Update

Yoooo it's March already. 

First of all, here's a new youtube video:

https://youtu.be/8kizYSw1HU8

Now that it's out of the way...

The empfohlen.de app, deep inside I knew it was bullshit, but eh, sure, I'll keep doing it. I think I got 19.80 euros? And then it changed from 20 euros minimum cash out to 35. Like wtf. I got my citadel to level 18 at most. Level 27 in travel town. I'm like, yknow what, this shit, so fckng bullshit. Time to stop. Outta here. Man, I read the bad reviews. I mean, the copium is, that it was a bit fun in its own way. I floated through February because of that though haha

So it was his birthday on the 4th. He was in Frankfurt for the whole week for a convention for his work. I baked him a cake on Friday, the day he came home. Decided to use the food coloring that was gonna expire by the end of the month. 

Our cat Jun kept constantly puking everyday last month. I was scrolling through reddit to see what other people with the same problem did. Cuz, I figured something needs to change. We can't keep cleaning up puke all the time. We're running out of toilet paper fast. The spray ran out too. What I did was elevate their food bowl with the boxes from amazon, the boxes that had their food in. His puking reduced. When my guy was on his trip, he never puked. I notice that he now pukes when he feeds him XD I did try to lock him in a room when he starts zooming around after eating. His puking could be because of anything by now.

My mom's birthday back home had visitors. Bro sent videos in the group chat.

(I wish I could earn money from YouTube :( )

Edit: I forgot to mention that I have decided not to pursue Musikinformatik anymore. Had a long back and forth with ChatGPT and apparently it's risky when I'm mainly doing it for stability and identity repair.

Just the Dream I Just Had and Some Sentiments

It was our kasambahay lovely in my dream, that was cooking. But first I saw her with a dog with the bombastic side eye. Black for with white snout. She cooked the dog into caldereta. I didn't eat it. Others did. Told some that they're eating dog.

It was a world that aged slow unless you decide not to anymore then you age very fast. You're an old person in seconds unless you use a laptop at an angle. There were maybe three of us who decided not to age slow anymore. We played a dota-ish game while we come up with a plan on how to do this rebellion or uprising. Then it shifted to me, sime jun and another one having lasers to point at people where the rule is to always point it to a person or else the aging process continues. At one point I said I wanna die anyway I don't have to keep doing this. Then he said I shouldn't do that the lyrics of the song is saying and I said I always wanted to die even before this song came out. People laughed. Something about Ireneo coming later. He came and he wanted to write down the lyrics Bobby was gonna sing for him. He was sitting next to me so I offered to show him the lyrics on Spotify. As I was getting my phone I remembered the rice and the other pot and told everyone it was ready already. Had to do the laser thingy while waiting for it to cook this whole time. When I went out to check on it the others were just sitting near the stove and Gene told me disappointedly that someone stole everything and I shouldn't have made food for everyone we could have just made our own they can manage with their own. 

Before all that I remember a ship sailing to a part of the map. It was stormy from the perspective above the clouds. 

________________________________________________

I think I dreamed the age acceleration thingy because I read a bit of House of Olympus when I couldn't sleep. The ships thingy too. 

I kinda wish I could see sime jun again.

My period is over today. I skipped last week, like it felt like I traveled in time from being so depressed. 

I found this app from an ad that played while I was playing sudoku, crossword puzzle and etc. called empfohlen.de and I started to play puzzles and chaos, travel town, and monopoly. I'm supposed to earn money by doing tasks in those games. I earned 8 euros so far lol I can't cash out until 20 euros. I could actually feel the effects of it on my brain cuz it's kinda hard for me to find the right words in my sentences and the door way effect is much stronger now lmao.

I almost forgot to take lamotrigine last night. Jt was at 4 am when I still couldn't sleep. I only remembered when i texted shiloh. Almost dm'ed someone hi how are you do you hate me on twitter.

Just Regrets

I wish I weren't mentally ill that I stopped college the first time. I would have finished with my batchmates with a proper job by now. I'm feeling quite lost right with what I want to do with my life. I'm going to be 29 this year. I have nothing going on career-wise. I didn't think it would be like this when I was a kid, not that I expected anything back then.

I wish I weren't mentally ill that I stopped college the second time. Everyone was so supportive. They're always so supportive. Why do I get severe depression when I'm stressed? And why does it freaking affect short term memory? 

Now I'm considering a third one. And a uni here in Germany, too. I'm having doubts since my German is still far from what I want it to be. 

On the other side of things, if I finished college the first time, I wouldn't be where I am right now. I would have a job, wouldn't have time to VRChat, wouldn't have met him, wouldn't be i. Germany. I want to say this is all copium but that's just the opposite of redirecting all this rumination.

Just What I was Working On

Here.

https://youtu.be/S3WDOZpuWr8 

Just the Future from the Previous Post

Okay, so, I didn't renew my work contract, haha. I didn't want to put up with ibyang. Not paid enough for that lmao I've been animating something in my free time tho. It's almost done. Today, we went to the Arbeitsagentur. Told him I wanted to study Musikinformatik. I'm not registered as a job seeker anymore. 

So, the plan is, maybe study that? And animate or make videos in my free time? Who knows? Another attempt at studying something, lol. Am I even gonna finish it?

Just Unsure of the Future

My work contract ends on the 26th, I think. But that's just on paper. We agreed I'd work for 6 or 9 months. He only did it that way because lots of people quit after a month or so. I'm not sure if I wanna keep going. Not that I don't like my job, it's fun, like a game. It's just that, do I want to study Musikinformatik? And with that I can make music and make better YouTube videos? Hone my music skills? Or maybe animation? Or, just keep my job, wait for him to learn enough Japanese and get a job in Japan, and move there. He was so motivated when we came back home from Japan last August. I mention one time that I like it here, maybe I want to study, idk, and then he says now that he's not that motivated anymore. I should talk to him about this. But we kind of had the conversation, just didn't get any conclusion from it tho. 

Also, my legs feel tight. Also, they're making me work mornings too.

That's it.