Just Hardships and Challenges

Last night, I noticed Masa unfriended me on Facebook and Discord. Couldn't blame him. It felt like insulting him with my happy posts, especially the story with my fiancé. If it helps him heal, then I'm fine with it. We haven't even talked for a long time. And that was enough reason for me to unfriend a lot of people before. I also noticed that Carb left the Comrades server. So much for waiting for a day before my wedding to announce that I'm getting married in the server. I left the Night Owls server. Carb, Masa and Nef left, so there's no more content to lurk. I'm staying in the Comrades just in case I want to send carb a friend request.

We buried Clyde today. I think she died last Thursday. She has two kitties left orphaned. I tried to give them milk and make them poop and pee. Clyde was still pregnant with the other kitties. There was a foot of one sticking out of her. 

Right now, I put the orange cat with them in the cage. Leaving them overnight, hoping she would bond with them. I don't want to deal with them anymore. Forgive me, Lord.

Just Zoomy

I got Zoomy vaccinated today. He's 7 months old. Hopefully I can get him castrated soon.

Just a Few Stuff to Say

Frieren is the anime to watch this season. Every week I'm crying because of it. Last night, there were a lot of tears shed while I was in bed. 

I am trying to make a music video. I showed it to him last night. He said I sang too quietly. That made me feel bad, somehow. I thought I could take criticism but it's a fucking reflex. I can't control how I feel like how I used to. I want to apply the logic and know that he's correct. I guess the thought that I've already made quite an effort to edit in the snapping effect. The effort of recording the makeshift maracas too. I wish I had a better singing voice. I don't have a good mic either.

In the earlier weeks, catboy reached out, feeling lonely. I had to hang out with him. Playing was nice. I don't want to criticize much about he calls and then just makes me listen to him talking with his mom, driving his car, doing other stuff. Maybe it's a gen-Z thing. 

Two days from now, I'm flying to Manila again. I'm going to submit the documents for the marriage visa. I will hang out with Manila girl on Wednesday and Thursday. It's great timing because they're also her days off. I should prepare my stuff soon. Not sure if I want to bring my laptop with me. I wouldn't use it much since I'm hanging out outside, right? And I don't want to keep taking it out my bag for the x-ray machines.

I was playing OwO bot just now. I rerolled 119 times and I wanted to confirm it and this bullshit message said I cannot use the button anymore. wtf. My 11k+ weaponshards down the drain. lol

The pet carrier arrived yesterday. I should have them vaccinated and neutered soon. I don't want to wait for the next time they're in heat again.

Just Wrote This This Morning

From years of scrolling through the internet in search on how to ease depression, one thing that a lot of them say is that at the end of the day, you should write or think about 3 things you are grateful for. I've been trying to practice that, but sometimes it's not enough. What's there to be grateful for when there are too many things to complain about, right? A lot of those things are stuff that we have no control over. But sometimes, I guess being grateful can make sense. It shifts and redirects your thoughts to be more positive. It's easy to be anti-recovery and shut down neurotypical advises that may seem to be seen as toxic postivity. I guess they can be, for many times. Depression just clouds your mind like that. It makes you resistant towards things that would aid you in overcoming it. Like it seems to latch on to you, not wanting you to let it go. 

Being grateful despite of the bad things happening doesn't mean that you are ignoring them. If we fail to see the tiniest glimmers of hope, it is us who would endanger ourselves from the consuming thoughts. It is when you notice yourself that you are ruminating that you should stop yourself and distract yourself from the negativity. 

Just New Lyrics

I'm unemployed

Have been so for 3 years

Have no idea what im gonna do

Have no degree

Just want some easy money

Why d'we have to work for everything

I'm really shy

I want to work alone

People are just too hard to-o deal with

And so it shows 

Left with no other choice

I guess i have to make an only fans