Just Intense Coughing

I had trouble sleeping last night because of my intense coughing. I thought I was going to expel my lungs. Now my throat hurts.

Just Thought I was Dying

I had a nightmare. Fuck, I don't even know how to describe it.

All I know is I tried to scream for somebody to wake me up. Ineffective. I just tried to move my mouth to wake up. I finally did. I'm not yet ready to go back to sleep.

Edit: my sleeping position was me lying on my right side. My face was smothered down the bed, making it hard to breathe. My left ankle over my right ankle, so that I was semi face down, not like how my theory of lying on my back causes nightmares.

Just Want to but Rather Not

I want to say "I want to follow my heart just this once because I've been following my brain my whole life" but that is usually how everything turns to shit in TV shows and movies.

Just Want to Have a Nice Cup of Antimony

You really need to stop coming in my mind every once in a while

I do not really like it

It kind of ruins my cool girl vibe

Like how I look like I could not give a fuck about anyone

But you

I keep wondering how you are right now

how your life has been

I care about whether you think about me too

I guess you do not

It has been so long since we last communicated

Maybe a year

A year is not really that long, is it?

The small things remind me of you,

that picture of a fruit,

that song that played on shuffle,

that thing lying on the ground, so dusty,

this thing I am doing right now,

I do not want to say that this is love

I do not think so

We do not even talk

How could it be so

My little girl mind is making me do things that I do not like to do

I could only suppress so much

However, the cup of suppression is trying to overflow

I still am suppressing, though

I am good at it

I have reached twenty while still doing it

That is what I am good at

I refuse to let things in

or even let things out

I refuse that what this is is real

Nothing is real

Emotions are just by-products of what our glands secrete

Reactions to stimuli

You would not really feel the same after a while when you have experienced an emotion

They are not real

Why would you want to feel sparks when they are not even concrete

I have always liked villains

Without them, there would be no plot

If real life had heroes or villains, I would like to be a villain

Sure, they never win in the stories being told

But it all depends on the point of view

Everyone is right in their own eyes

No one is open minded enough to see their own wrongs

I like to invest my time in self loathing

Every negative vibe is my fuel in life

Sometimes when I am all positive

I dread for the time when it all goes downhill

and it starts there

One tainted thought and it all crashes

Mood changes

In a snap

Funny how I started typing about you and we ended up here

I wish I could just move on

but it is only you

It always has been you

and I do not think you like me

You clearly must not like me

Because if you do, you would have said something by now, right?

My line of reasoning does not work in this one

It is not my forte

It is not in my field

Yeah, I have reached a verdict

You do not like me

so I should not like you that way anymore

It sucks that I think about you

It sucks that I still do

Just Want to Smoke, Too, but I Don't Smoke

I'm in a writing mood. What should I write about?

I don't go out so I can't write much any experience.

Nothing's much happened in the past 17 days of this new year.

Okay, I am in a writing mood, but there is nothing to write about.


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There's nothing as sweet as a husband missing his wife.


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Maybe I will just try to sleep. This writing mood is such a waste.

I want more wine.

Mother watched me carrying a glass of it and nagged, saying it was too much.
She made me put most of it back in the bottle. I only had 20 ml. I need more.

Maybe later, at midnight, when she's asleep.

I want to be drunk.


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I want to confess my love, but I can't do it while I'm sober.


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I slept earlier. I was awakened by my brother's girlfriend visiting.

I was sleeping in the living room. Now I am in my bedroom.

I couldn't go back to sleep. I want to go back to sleep.

Whatever.

I'm wasting my writing mood.

Just an Ode to My Aunt

Even when you are gone
In my dreams, you are still there
It means that my subconscious still thinks you are alive
It messes me up when I wake up

While dreaming, I think and know you are dead
But I see you there, breathing, with us
So happy, so at ease
Why does my mind work like this?

I do not want to see dead people
Even if I am just dreaming of them
No, it is not a nightmare, I was not scared
It is just that when you are awake
reality sinks in deep
and you remember that they are not there anymore
It is like having a nightmare while being awake

I know you are happy
I know that you have rest
I know that you are okay
We know that it was for the best

I know you have lived a life with no regrets
At least we can say you are in a better place
No more suffering, no more pain
We love you, and you did not die in vain

Just Typing for the Blog to be Alive

Ahh... What have I come here to write about next?

I don't really have much going on. I'm done with school and I don't have a job.

But I did go to school earlier to pay for our college yearbook fee.

I also talked with our dean. Just some casual stuff.

Everything's a haze right now, not that I took anything that would make me in a haze. I'm actually quite sober. I didn't drink or anything.

Hmmm...

I guess I'm not that manic anymore, or am I?

Just Did Not Get This Checked

I think I'm gonna die soon because I'm being too carefree despite being bit by our dog six hours ago.

Just Cat's Meow, Aw

I notice that I wake up to most of my nightmares while lying on my back. My head is tilted a little back and it feels like how it is in nightmares. Maybe blood in the brain causes it. I don't think so, though. I don't have a lot of nightmares to tell.

Also, if you feel a little emotional, it's probably hormones. Don't do something stupid while you're filled with it. Your normal and chill self would thank you for it.

Just Been Eating a Lot of Chocolate These Days and Now I'm Feeling Manic

Control yourself
You can do that, can't you?
You didn't log in for 10 months
This is easy for you
You have the skills
Just this once
This is important
Why can't you do it?
Hold on
Don't go
You have self control
Please,
be normal

Just... That was Some Dream

It started with a sharp noise, like how a microphone would sound when improperly handled, and it was piercing. We all covered our ears. Then we started to get out of the house. I tried to bring what I was holding at the time and also save our dogs. My brother got to bring some. There were puppies that I don't know where they came from. I asked someone if the gas range was turned off because it might explode. Then there was a helicopter that came from our house. My father was flying it. Mom decided to go to the subdivision's basketball court. Everything was burning there. I looked up the sky and I remembered there was also going to be a typhoon, that we might also drown and burn the same time. A car crashed to a tree. It was burning. Then mom tried to climb a tree with other people. It was already burning. My other brother tried to get her down. She went down but her clothes were on fire. I told her to roll around. I woke up.