Just Want to Have a Nice Cup of Antimony

You really need to stop coming in my mind every once in a while

I do not really like it

It kind of ruins my cool girl vibe

Like how I look like I could not give a fuck about anyone

But you

I keep wondering how you are right now

how your life has been

I care about whether you think about me too

I guess you do not

It has been so long since we last communicated

Maybe a year

A year is not really that long, is it?

The small things remind me of you,

that picture of a fruit,

that song that played on shuffle,

that thing lying on the ground, so dusty,

this thing I am doing right now,

I do not want to say that this is love

I do not think so

We do not even talk

How could it be so

My little girl mind is making me do things that I do not like to do

I could only suppress so much

However, the cup of suppression is trying to overflow

I still am suppressing, though

I am good at it

I have reached twenty while still doing it

That is what I am good at

I refuse to let things in

or even let things out

I refuse that what this is is real

Nothing is real

Emotions are just by-products of what our glands secrete

Reactions to stimuli

You would not really feel the same after a while when you have experienced an emotion

They are not real

Why would you want to feel sparks when they are not even concrete

I have always liked villains

Without them, there would be no plot

If real life had heroes or villains, I would like to be a villain

Sure, they never win in the stories being told

But it all depends on the point of view

Everyone is right in their own eyes

No one is open minded enough to see their own wrongs

I like to invest my time in self loathing

Every negative vibe is my fuel in life

Sometimes when I am all positive

I dread for the time when it all goes downhill

and it starts there

One tainted thought and it all crashes

Mood changes

In a snap

Funny how I started typing about you and we ended up here

I wish I could just move on

but it is only you

It always has been you

and I do not think you like me

You clearly must not like me

Because if you do, you would have said something by now, right?

My line of reasoning does not work in this one

It is not my forte

It is not in my field

Yeah, I have reached a verdict

You do not like me

so I should not like you that way anymore

It sucks that I think about you

It sucks that I still do