Just Typing What I Want To Do Instead of Doing It So There Would Be No Casualties

1. Scream REALLY loud.
2. Punch the computer screen.
3. Flip the computer table.
4. Break the walls.
5. Break our dog's ribs.
6. Bash someone's head.
7. Smoke.
8. Break the dishes.
9. Throw something really hard.
10. Throw something really hard on someone.

Just Wondering What's With the Sudden Interest in Me

My elementary teachers are one by one sending me friend requests on Facebook. Help. Haha. One even chatted me. I am not ready for this. Lol

Just Forgot to Add a a Title Again

Eating strawberry ice cream with nuts, sprinkles, and cookies in the dark is a mood.

Just Thought I Had Something Two Days Ago But Nah It's One of Those Things I Start But Not Finish Again

Night time, the bats have replaced the birds
Still,  I like watching them from my window
Why am I still awake,  even
Cannot sleep, can you?

I hit you up
You don't reply
I continue staring at the view
I space out
Heart's faster
Feet cold
Fingers tremble
Need distraction

Try to remember
I'm not alone
Don't let it get me

Just Stringed Instrumentalist Things

Sometimes you have to cut your fingernails even though you don't want to because your fingertips can't reach the fretboard anymore.

Just That This Whole Season 6 of Steven Universe Really Hits Too Close to Home

Abandonment anxiety is one of the worst things you could ever feel and seeing it actually visualized with Steven is making me feel bad. Peridot seeing it through his dream and reassuring him she isn't leaving him still makes me cry.

Just a Poem That I Might Make Into a Song Based From My Dream Earlier

Take me to a place where there are a lot of flowers
I need to smell them since the rest of life does not seem to care
I need to remember that not everything is bad
Let me know that at least they are there

Turn my sight away from what makes my heart ache
Because all just reminds me that I am not doing so good
Help me realize that I should not let go of everything at this point
Just need a little break

The flowers bloom after the bees help them
They will be better after it rains
They will no longer burn under the blazing sun
They will spread joy and get it done

Do not bring them to me
If you pick them, they will die
Lead me to the blossoms
Make this worthwhile

Just That Everything Has a Consequence

The things we do without thinking.

Just Don't Want to See Them in My News Feed

I am now unfollowing social butterflies on Facebook because my life is miserable enough already. Also doing it so I won't be deactivating as much as I do.

Just the Result of Pushing People Away

I don't have that many people I could talk with, and when I find myself absolutely no one I could tell anything with, I come to this blog and type it out. When I'm done writing a blogpost, the emptiness still remains and so I search for anything to distract me with. I have a lot of musical instruments now. I use them. I have a lot of art materials. I make art. I have a lot of books. I read them. Sometimes, I want to distract myself but I can't find any motivation to do the usual stuff I do. I just sleep it off then. If I can't sleep, I'll just let my thoughts consume me. I still don't understand how my mind betrays me every now and then when I'm doing the necessary stuff I have to do so it won't do that.

My mom agreed to let me go back to college again. I was psyched. Now, I'm not sure if I can handle it because my brain keeps making plans of my death. Lol I don't think I'll die though. I tried. I'm quite invincible at the moment. Jinx is a real thing, isn't it?

Just Impulsively Bought an Expensive Backpack Because of Bananas

I... don't even like Jansport...

Just... Evidently Seen Now

I got up today and left my bed unmade.

My room has now two weeks worth of washed clothes that I need to fold.

Hey, I made some tiramisu today. Thanks, davie504.

Just Want It All

Kinda prefer "Adept at as many things as possible" than "Jack of all trades".

Just Violet Evergarden

Episode 3 and I cried.

Just Going to Keep Trying

I have to make it. For others' sake, not mine.

Just Want My Brain to Stop Giving Me These Thoughts

I wouldn't really be missing anything that much if I actually died when I tried to kill myself.

Just Hanging On

The lows are as painful as I remember them. Welcome back.

They seem to hurt more, but nah, it's the same level. It's just that it's been a while. Haha How do I get myself together?

I slightly dissociated at 1 pm today. Anxiety levels were high. Tried to karaoke it off. It worked. Now I'm going to try to sleep so I could wake up at 4 am to jog.

Just Not Feeling So Good

Fucking hell the whispers are lowkey starting. I'm just imagining it but if I entertain it, it will morph into a true hallucination. Is this the nosedive I've been anticipating for in the previous months?

Just What I was Up To Today

I watched Guns Akimbo alone. I completely had the entire cinema to myself for the first five minutes of the movie. It was too good to be true I guess because people just have to see it and walked in. Lol

Also, I pet two dogs from outside their gates. They are fucking cool dogs.

Also, I walked home, startled to drizzle, then rained. I liked the dramatic effect in my walk. I didn't mind the rain. I wanted to be soaked but I had documents in my bag so I took my umbrella out.

I really fucking miss him.

Just a Bit Fatigued

Oh, wow. I feel so physically tired right now. All I did was walk 2.5 kilometers today. I want to kill myself. Haha. Gahd.

Just Went Out and What a Ride that Was

Sometimes, you have to go bike riding during the wee hours so you wouldn't cry yourself to sleep because your bipolar brain is giving you traumatic childhood flashbacks again.

Just Tired of Everything, Really

There are people unaware of toxic positivity. It enforces you to always look at the brighter side of things.

I used to have a positive mindset before. Always remaining optimistic. But then, while I was doing that, I was also suppressing all the negative emotion I was feeling. Now, I am suffering long term consequences from all the suppression. The doctor only confirmed bipolar disorder, but I am pretty sure I also have a personality disorder. Lmao

Just Saying Goodbye to Mania