Just Relativity

Sometimes time goes by fast that I want to go back
Sometimes it goes too slow that I lose patience
Sometimes it is just right that I get by
All the time, time is constant
It stays the same
A second equals a second
A minute equals sixty seconds
It has always been that way
So how come does it sometimes go fast or slow or right?

Just Generic Questions People Ask Me

Most of these questions are asked in vernacular. I'll just write them in English here.

1. Why do you always smile?

Why would you question the frequency of my smile? Do you prefer me to not do so? I have had a smiling face since I was a kid. It is a habit now. I do not feel like smiling but I just do. It also gives a polite vibe. I don't want people thinking that I'm not a nice person. Smiling makes me not scare people away. A smile makes other people smile, too. Maybe I keep smiling just to hide the depression. Who knows?

2. What's up with you and bananas?

Most of the time when people ask me this question, I just laugh it off because I do not know either. Haha. I just like bananas, you know. But they aren't my favorite fruit. It's mangoes.

3. Why is Hotel, Restaurant and Tourism Services your course? Why not (insert intellectual course here)? You're smart. It's such a waste.

First of all, you little shit, you are not me. You do not know how my mind works and neither do I. At least I have a slight idea how it does. If you know so much about how I live my life, then we should exchange. Oh, wait, we can't do that, can we? Too bad. Stop dictating other people on how to do their shit and start getting yours together. I know my potential. I know my skills. You know I'm smart. Don't you think I already thought what you thought?

4a. You know how to play the (insert musical instrument here)? Can you play (insert song here)? or Can you teach me?

I just sigh at this. These questions are too generic. I'd like to hear a person saying a different phrase for once. Try to be unique. Ugh.

4b. You know how to draw? Can you draw me? Can you draw this? Can you draw that?

I sigh at this, too. It's practically the same question. People are ignorant when they get to know that you have a particular skill. That's why they all ask the same questions. Try answering them yourself, for once. Try putting yourself in my position and be asked the same question. I wonder how you would feel.

5. Is my grammar correct?

You should have known this since elementary school. Where were you during those days?

6. Can I copy your answer?

"rolls eyes*

Don't you think it's unfair to just copy the answer from a person who paid attention? And why would you get mad if I don't let you? Hnnnggghhg I could rant more about this but I don't go to school anymore since October. Thank God I'm done with it. Thank God I've graduated.

7. Can I borrow a pen? Can I have some paper?

Would you like my clothes, too? Would you like some money? Would you like me to pay your tuition? Fuck, man, get your own supplies!

8. What's your course? (I answer HRTS) What's that? Hnnnggghhh...

Please, don't ask me this, just please.

9. Why do you have a manly voice?

I don't know, genetics?

10. How do you do this again?

Why would you even go to school if you don't pay attention to instructions? Why do you always come to me? Why are you so stupid? Can you just please try to figure it out on your own? Don't you know that figuring something out on your own improves brain performance? It also improves your cognitive skills. Of course, cognitive skills are part of the brain performance, but how would you know that? You're dumb as fuck.

Just Made Some Today

You're so sweet
You make me happy
I want you to be mine
You complete me

I want to taste you
Every single day
Oh, Mango Float
Would you please stay?

and never run out?

Just People Asking about My Plans

Maybe I should find a job. People keep asking me what my plans are, which I really don't have. I didn't think of what I'd do when I get this far.

I went to the DMMAxim office today. Yuu and Frey were there. Our talk is giving me the feels now. Hnnngghhh...

What job should I find? Maybe I should apply at Marco Polo as a front desk agent. Yeah. Maybe I should. I hope I'll be hired when I do try to apply.

Just that Mom Told Me to Stop Eating So Much

I try to not gain weight but it is hard when I'm surrounded with yummy food. Whatever. I'm gonna eat my heart out. I could lose it if I actually try. Today is not that day.

Just Not Enough Teamwork

It's hard to win when your teammates aren't even trying. No matter how good you are, if all the rest will just drag you down, it is still useless. No matter how much effort you give in to pulling the team up, if the load is too heavy, you couldn't do it. It makes it too hard, even though the task is extremely easy to do.

Just Online Social Isolation

I deactivated my Twitter account yesterday. Everyone seemed depressed. Everyone kept making threads. I couldn't take it. I don't want to worsen mine. There were a lot of hypocrites. My account will truly disappear at December 5. Now, blogger is the only social media account that I have active. I still watch YouTube videos and visit 9gag for passing my time. At least I get to view stuff from people I don't know, which is better than viewing stuff from people that I do know personally.

I went to school today. It wasn't really productive. I have to come back tomorrow morning. Whatever. I'm getting bored staying in my house anyway. I don't get allowance anymore. I can't avail with student discounts anymore. So this is adulthood, huh.

Just Proud of Myself Today

I finally did something productive for a change. I cleaned my room. It's not "clean" clean but I still did it. Now I have to do my laundry next. I keep postponing it. I don't want a heavy load.

Also, I fought my inner demon today. I had to go to church. As I was about to get ready, I was struck by a wave of "I don't want to go to church". I lied down on my bed, thinking if I should sleep to miss the remaining schedule for mass. I forced myself up and got dressed. It's kind of a big deal for me, you know, even if you don't care. What are you doing in this blog anyway if you don't care? Why have you read this far? Lol

Just One Thought Leading to Another

I hate remembering certain events from the past that induce unpleasant feelings. It does not seem so long ago that I...

Agh, too painful.

Also, this thought, it is also painful.

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Why did you let me do that again? That one time that we were chatting, you made me send you screenshots of our past conversations. You said "basta". It made me hurt. I still did it. I am still left hanging.

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Sometimes when my hormones are all fired up, sad songs make me cry. Right now, it isn't. So I am good. I do not feel like crying.

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Wondering what I would do with my life now that I do not have to go to school anymore. I still want to play in a band. A foreign band. Not here in the Philippines. The music industry here sucks. The media sucks. All kinds of reception here suck. I need a sign. I need God to guide me in my dream. Inspiration. It doesn't help if I just keep lying here being fat.

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Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness.
I could have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life. 

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It's tiring to be depressed, you know? Not knowing why makes it seem worse. I am not that depressed, though. Let me end this train of thought here before I get all trippy.

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Existence is pain. Lol. Mr. Meseeks. Rick and Morty. Lol.

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This segment is me just talking to myself. Lol. Like I am not doing that already. Lol.

Hey, remember the times when you took medication? Lol. Remember the side effects? Lol. You were salivating that one time. Also, your ears kept ringing. Lol. Haha. Do you also remember when your jaw hardened? That was awful, right? You want it back, don't you? No. Stop it. Stop saying that. Lol. Remember that one time when you were watching Breaking Bad with your siblings, then suddenly, you started to get all—, STOP IT. YOU CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE THAT FEELING. STOP! YOU'RE TRIGGERING YOURSELF! —panicky that you had to leave the room touching your cranium saying "Mah Braaaain" like some fuck. Hahaha. :( why are you doing this... Remember that one time when your dad was at home, you think he didn't go to work because of you. He was...

This is too much already. Stop trying to remember, dammit. You will make your future self sad again when she reads this.

Fine. I'll stop.

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I wish you would call, even though that seems unlikely. Why am I like this? This isn!t me. I'm cool and collected. I do not. I am apathetic, indifferent. I don't care. I have always been like that.

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Fucking flashbacks, man. Why do I get them? I'm trying to distract myself by typing stuff here. I also try playing games. Somehow, in the end, they don't work anymore when I stop doing them. I tried drawing, I couldn't. I tried reading, I also couldn't. Lol. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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This is already a long train
of thought. Lol.
Whatever, I've got a lot of time. I've got all the time in the world. I don't have school anymore. I spend most of my time thinking, daydreaming, sleeping, playing, eating. Lol. That is something to be happy about.

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It's great having a Smartphone. You can do a lot of things with it. I love my phone now. Back then, I would miss my old lost phone when I had a new phone. Now, I don't anymore. I love my current phone. I hope it won't die on me or leave me. I think maybe typing this here could jynx it but hey, its anniversary is coming up. Haha. Happy 1 year, phone! Lol. I'll end this here. I'm happy now :)

Just Making a List

I can not really take this, thinking of you. I can not really tell why I do. What I am going to do now is make a list of what makes me think about you.

1. You have a charming personality.

The way you text "nyahaha" instead of the regular "hahaha" is so cute and gay. I can not really say if being gay is a plus point. But hey, I know you are straight. Gay is just an expression.

2 The way we have coincidentally have a lot of things in common.

The way we have the same set of musical instruments, the way we have the same design for our back packs, the way that you were the secretary and how I was just voted the same for our batch, the way we both know how to play "River Flows in You" on the guitar, fingerstyle, the way how you knew about the song "Remembering Sunday" like me, the way how we both said "seven" at the same time that one time, the way how we both know a lot of bands that people do not commonly know, the way how we both went to the same school for college, the way how we were both born in the same year, the way how we both speak the same tongues, the way how we both like logic games, the way how we were both interested in each other.

3. You are musically inclined.

You know how to learn a song without looking the chords up. You already know how to play a song just by listening to it, something I wish I could do. You know how to sing the backing vocals. You know the things in music that I want a person to know.

4. The way you speak makes me... I do not know.

You said "I think the best teacher is someone who teaches you to be interested". You really like that word, interested. "I was the one who called you, wasn't I?" "You like me, huh? *smiling face*" "I miss you" "Why are you trying to kill yourself?" "We are here for you." "Long live DMMAxim."

5. You were the only one who looked for me when I disappeared.

6. You were the senior who talked to me the most at the beginning.

7. You teased me before.

Click here to learn more about the tease.

8. It has been more than a year of me thinking of you.

I do not know if I like you. You are just in my mind. Always. I do not like having feelings. I do not have feelings. Do not say I am in denial.

9. I might say that I miss you.

Just Thought of This Weird Thought

I want to cut off someone's arm, cook it, and serve it as adobo to innocent people without them knowing that they have been turned into cannibals.

Just Too Lazy to Come Up with a Proper Title These Days

Now that I have slept, I feel better. Maybe later, I would become sad again. The cycle would go on. I should break it. I'll find a way.

Just Wahihi Meow Meow

I am feeling down right now but I am not going to talk about my down-ness.

Instead,

I really have no idea. I was just bluffing in my first sentence, thinking that I might make up something when I got here.

Whatever. I am still not talking about being down.

I just want to sleep.
A deep sleep.
A long sleep with a long dream that I could remember.
I want to hang out with my friends, my DMMAxim friends.
That is not going to happen.
We have drifted apart.
They have their own lives now.
Hnnggghhhh

Why
are
we
still
here

Oh, my,
How lovely

Chikapowow