Just Sickness

Calendar says 7 days before my period. Idk, I feel like it's been recurring that I've been having quick nosebleeds a week before my period starts. Idk anymore (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠) am I just being a hypochondriac or is it really just the dry air ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ

Idk if I said this here before but part of me is telling myself that I want to die anyway... So... 

Ignore my symptoms? Or actually give a shit cuz I get frantic when I'm feeling stuff?

Blood test was normal tho. So...

I haven't done an x-ray for more than a year, but it has all been normal. 

Fuck this shit.

Just Don't Want to Go Back to Sleep for a Moment

Because I just had a nightmare and it might continue if I go back go sleep now even though the sleep inertia's really strong. 

In it, it was raining a lot. Outside was a little flooding. I was depressed about being bipolar. Kept making suicide jokes. Was suicidal. Gene took me to a room where she's manning a booth where they're gonna do The Feast. Eizu was there to help. Was still depressed and suicidal. Wanted to go home.

Was in a jeep. It was still raining. Two other girls were there. One girl was wearing a school uniform. There was lightning that struck somewhere, like a tree. The metal parts of the jeep were grounded. We tried not to hold them or lean on them. My right hand that was holding a rail got burned and it was smoking. I tried to tell the girl her hair was burning. We tried to get out the jeep while it was stopped because of the traffic. Tried to help the girl get out but her seatbelt was stuck. Jeep somehow tilted to the side. 

We went back to the jeep. A boy got in. It was scaring me. One of the girls said not to touch or be bad towards him cuz he's a bad entity. I was being mean to him cuz he was taking my stuff. I was looking at his face and it was scaring me and then I woke up with a clear image of his face. So I don't want to go back to sleep for now cuz nightmares suck.

Just a Nostalgic Dream

Last night I dreamed about my 5th grade English teacher, ma'am Algas. It made me feel like she made learning easier, that everything was easier back when I was in elementary. It gave me nostalgia. The dream was probably related to Jaden Animation's adhd video where she said about she was more organized as a kid and had it all together back then. It was a little relatable.

Just My Dream Last Night

I wanted to remember the part where my maternal grandmother saw someone's neck being cut off and then she fainted. 

Just Wanted to Tweet the First Paragraph and Thought, Why Not Here?

Going to sleep to escape depression and then dreaming about being depressed and wanting to @#-+ ʕ⁠ノ⁠•⁠ᴥ⁠•⁠ʔ⁠ノ⁠ ⁠︵⁠ ⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

I hate bipolar disorder.

Also, in the dream, I was feeling really down, and then I thought of this person, Pluto, and then he showed up in my dream. It was so unreal. And then I woke up. And that explained it. It was just a dream. 

My mood is in the lower side now. 

Yesterday, we hung out and watched Kiki's delivery service in German. Then went to Hans im Glück to eat. It was E's birthday. 

I always feel down in the middle of a gathering. It would be nice if it's like with other people where they feel recharged and their mood gets lifted when they hang out with other people.