Just a Murderous Thought

Maybe I should make a list of all the people I want to kill and actually go on a killing spree when I'm in the mood for it.

Just Lost a Match and Maybe This Post Comes from the Aftermath of Losing

Have you ever had that feeling where you want to talk to someone but you don't even know what to talk about? I don't even know who should I talk to right now at 4 in the morning. Everyone is asleep. There are a few who are online but none of them are close to me.

How come we are allowed to be depressed? Why is it part of human anatomy? How are we allowed to experience unpleasant things when it would kill us? Wouldn't it be better if we didn't get to feel pain, or get sick? Why are antagonists meant to exist? Why can't we all be good people? Is peace really possible? Everything has so many flaws. I'm sorry for thinking this way but why has God allowed this to happen? I roll my eyes to those who actually say that phrase. I can't believe I'm saying this now. Don't get me wrong. I still love God, and believe in Him. I just don't know how I feel about that, when my thoughts are contradicting.

What is leading me to have all these thoughts? Can it be addressed so they would be stopped? I don't like this feeling at all. I don't think anyone would. I don't have any companions to say all this to. This blog is my only refuge.

Even then, I still wouldn't feel good after typing this all down. Even if I DO get to say all this to somebody, I don't think I would feel better. Maybe I would even get afterthoughts like, "Maybe I shouldn't have said something. I let them know a part of me." And then I would go to sleep, and I wake up. Sometimes I feel better when I wake up; sometimes I don't.

My room is a mess. Maybe it represents my mental state. I want to clean it up. I'm too lazy to do so.

I want to finish reading that book I borrowed from Ian. I'm just not there.

I don't want to admit I'm lonely, because I'm not. It's pathetic being so. I like being alone. I don't like physical contact. It's gross.

I find it funny when people say that they are weird but when they get to meet me they don't even match the standards of weird.

Ahh.

Just a Mutual Understanding

The other day, a co-worker was wearing headphones and was singing Amnesia by 5SOS loudly and in out of tune. Both my seatmate and I looked at each other and then at her. We seemed to silently have an agreement. We simultaneously wore each of our own headphones to ease our annoyance with the other coworker instead of just telling her to shut up.

Just What Happened a Few Days Ago

-sneezes 3 times
-wonders why
-looks behind me
-sees co-worker applying makeup primer

Huh...

Just that Art Can Be Really Therapeutic

Just Don't Like What's Happening

I think I have a crush on my coworker. I say "I think" because I use my head more. I would like to stare, but I don't. However, when I do, I use a reflective object so it wouldn't be obvious. I'm so hopeless. I don't like being smitten. Funny how my physicality acts oppositely with my mentality.