Just Regrets

I wish I weren't mentally ill that I stopped college the first time. I would have finished with my batchmates with a proper job by now. I'm feeling quite lost right with what I want to do with my life. I'm going to be 29 this year. I have nothing going on career-wise. I didn't think it would be like this when I was a kid, not that I expected anything back then.

I wish I weren't mentally ill that I stopped college the second time. Everyone was so supportive. They're always so supportive. Why do I get severe depression when I'm stressed? And why does it freaking affect short term memory? 

Now I'm considering a third one. And a uni here in Germany, too. I'm having doubts since my German is still far from what I want it to be. 

On the other side of things, if I finished college the first time, I wouldn't be where I am right now. I would have a job, wouldn't have time to VRChat, wouldn't have met him, wouldn't be i. Germany. I want to say this is all copium but that's just the opposite of redirecting all this rumination.