Just Understand It If You Can. You Probably Won't because You're Not Me

When I ask a question with a "why", I do not mean the question in a literal sense.

Like,

"Why do we have to eat?"

The literal answers would be "so we would live" "to nourish ourselves" "for survival".

What I meant with the question is "Why must we have to eat? Why must it be that way? Why do we have to eat for survival?".

And I often get lost in these thoughts. I try to feel my consciousness as I close my eyes and think deeply.

Then I'm too conscious of my consciousness.

.

Before I was born, I had no consciousness.
I have one now.
But.
Do I really exist?

I close my eyes and feel my memories.
My experiences are so far away.
I try to feel my heartbeat in my head. Pulse, is more like it.

I close my eyes and open them as I type.
Yeah.

Why.