Just Ranting in September 2021

Tired of experiencing these high highs and low lows over and over again (mostly low lows lol) that even with hard work, the symptoms still come through you.

I'm almost there to my weight goal. I'm still far from getting that degree. Right now, I'm having suicidal thoughts. I don't want them. Writing here so I won't ruminate. Journaling helps, I think.

Why was I ever born

Here we go again with this thought

Why does it always come back

I'm spiraling

Help me.

I always wonder if I need meds and then I sit on that thought and not get any. I don't want to get fat because of them. My hardwork in working out would be wasted. I don't want the brain fog as the side effect. 

No one to talk to. Not no one, I just don't want to bother people. Listening to someone like this is exhausting. That's why this blog exists. So I won't personally bother people. The people who are willing to be bothered comes to the blog.

I want to sleep.