I am in a mood. Earlier, I googled about feeling empty. I don't feel emptiness in my heart, though. More like a... I just thought of derealization and dissociation. I guess I should look up those now if that's what I'm in the mood in.
Ayt, it's closer to depersonalization and derealization than dissociation. Let me just keep typing... I have to pause from time to time because it feels like... I'm still doing it. Help. Lmao.
Anyway, let me distract myself from doing it by typing more, and focus on typing. I would like to share that I set a timer for the social media apps, so I wouldn't be on my phone a lot, which hinders a lot of productivity. Welp, I guess that's the only update I want to share. Lmao.
Oh yeah, maybe it's because of thinking a lot of religion again. It's starting up some symptoms. Yup. It's a fucking trigger. Why didn't I stay away from the topic. Maybe I should be honest with my dad on how triggering church is, and how his light, guilt-inducing reprimands aren't good for my bipolar disorder. I already feel bad with not going, but going also makes me feel bad. I am trapped. These feelings, I hate them. I try not to dwell on them but it's difficult when you get reminded by it over and over again.
And as for being jobless and not earning money, I don't like it. But working also is going to feel like a chore.
Boredom is making me depressed, too.
I don't know anymore. Maybe I should stop writing because I'm starting to pour out a lot.
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