Thursday, April 17, 2025

Just Cut Out for This, But I Don't Want to Do It

Went to the Probearbeit today. Between 3 pm and 4 pm I was filing a black plastic thing into a square. I have no idea what that was for. Couldn't understand that well because of the language barrier. I was afraid to ask when they kept mentioning not to be.

In the morning we were sorting Anträge. Mailing sth. Throwing away boxes. 

I wanted to go home after taking my break. I wanted to go home because I was making too much noise. 

I feel like shit. The iwannakmsiwannadie feeling is here.

Tuesday, April 01, 2025

Just an Apprenticeship Interview

I guess this blog is where I share my videos. Here's one. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7A2v0a1voI

Ich sollte mein Deutsch wirklich üben. Muss English vermeiden. Morgen habe ich eine Vorstellungsgespräch. Es ist eine Ausbildung zur Augenoptikerin bei Fielmann. Vielleicht kann ich hier schreiben, wie ich die Fragen beantworten kann.

1. Warum möchten Sie eine Ausbildung zum Augenoptiker machen?

Ich habe eine Leidenschaft für handwerkliche Arbeit. In meiner Freizeit, sowohl zeichne ich als auch bastele gern. Ich mag es, mit meinen Händen zu arbeiten, und ich bin überzeugt, dass ich diese Fähigkeit zu der Arbeit als Augenoptikerin beitragen kann. Ich habe auch erfahrung als Kundenservice Mitarbeiterin, deshalb glaube ich dass ich die Kunden gut betreuen kann.

2. Warum haben Sie sich für Fielmann entschieden?

Ich bin dafür interessiert bei Fielmann zu arbeiten, weil die Vorteile mich gefallen haben.

3. Was sind Ihre Stärken und Schwächen?

Ich lerne schnell, und arbeite präzis. Zum Beispiel habe ich Prüfungen bestehen, die ich am Vortag gelernt habe. Meine Schwäche ist mein Deutschkenntniss, aber ich arbeite schon daran. Gerade bin ich in einen Sprachkurs und es läuft derzeit gut.

4. Was wissen Sie über den Beruf des Augenoptikers?

Ich weiß dass sie Brillen erstellen. Sie machen Sehtests und beraten Kunden welche Brille zu Ihnen passt. 

5. Welche handwerklichen Fähigkeiten bringen Sie mit?

Ich bastele gern. Letzten Sonntag habe ich einen Drachen gebaut. Manchmal, wenn ich zerbrochene Dinge habe, versuche ich, sie zu reparieren. Ich habe es oft geschafft. 

6. Wie gehen Sie mit einem unzufriedenen Kunden um?

Mit unzufriedenen Kunden, weiß ich dass ich ruhig bleiben sollte. Dann nehme ich den Kunden ernst, und suche nach einer Lösung.

7. Ein Kunde möchte eine Brille, die ihm nicht steht – wie reagieren Sie?

Ich würde Ihnen erklären, dass eine andere Briulle besser passt. Aber falls der Kunden einen anderen Wunsch hat, würde ich ihn respektieren.

8. Wie reagieren Sie, wenn es im Geschäft sehr stressig wird?

Ich setze Prioritäten, ruhig zu bleiben, und im Team zu arbeiten.

Hier ist was ChatGPT korrigiert hat:

1. Warum möchten Sie eine Ausbildung zum Augenoptiker machen?

Ich habe eine Leidenschaft für handwerkliche Arbeit. In meiner Freizeit zeichne und bastele ich gern, weil ich es liebe, mit meinen Händen zu arbeiten. Ich bin überzeugt, dass ich diese Fähigkeiten in den Beruf als Augenoptikerin einbringen kann. Außerdem habe ich bereits Erfahrung im Kundenservice, sodass mir der Umgang mit Menschen leichtfällt und ich Kunden gut beraten kann.


2. Warum haben Sie sich für Fielmann entschieden?

Fielmann ist ein bekanntes Unternehmen mit einer sehr guten Ausbildung. Besonders gefällt mir, dass Fielmann seinen Auszubildenden viele Vorteile bietet, wie eine hochwertige Schulung und gute Entwicklungsmöglichkeiten. Ich möchte in einem Unternehmen arbeiten, das großen Wert auf Qualität und Kundenzufriedenheit legt.


3. Was sind Ihre Stärken und Schwächen?

Meine Stärken sind, dass ich schnell lerne und sehr präzise arbeite. Zum Beispiel habe ich Prüfungen erfolgreich bestanden, obwohl ich erst am Vortag mit dem Lernen begonnen habe. Ich kann mir Dinge gut merken und setze neues Wissen schnell um.

Meine Schwäche ist, dass mein Deutsch noch nicht perfekt ist. Aber ich arbeite aktiv daran, indem ich einen Sprachkurs besuche, und ich mache gute Fortschritte.


4. Was wissen Sie über den Beruf des Augenoptikers?

Ein Augenoptiker hilft Menschen, die richtige Brille oder Kontaktlinsen zu finden. Er führt Sehtests durch, berät Kunden bei der Auswahl von Brillengestellen und passt Brillen an. Außerdem gehört das handwerkliche Anpassen und Reparieren von Brillen zum Beruf.


5. Welche handwerklichen Fähigkeiten bringen Sie mit?

Ich bastele gern und habe ein gutes handwerkliches Geschick. Zum Beispiel habe ich letzten Sonntag einen Drachen gebaut. Außerdem repariere ich oft kaputte Gegenstände zu Hause – meistens mit Erfolg. Diese Fähigkeiten helfen mir, präzise und sorgfältig zu arbeiten.


6. Wie gehen Sie mit einem unzufriedenen Kunden um?

Ich bleibe ruhig und freundlich, höre dem Kunden genau zu und versuche, seine Wünsche zu verstehen. Dann suche ich gemeinsam mit ihm eine Lösung, die ihn zufriedenstellt.


7. Ein Kunde möchte eine Brille, die ihm nicht steht – wie reagieren Sie?

Ich würde dem Kunden freundlich erklären, warum eine andere Brille möglicherweise besser zu ihm passt. Dabei würde ich ihm alternative Modelle zeigen, die vorteilhafter für ihn wären. Aber wenn er sich trotzdem für sein Wunschmodell entscheidet, respektiere ich das natürlich.


8. Wie reagieren Sie, wenn es im Geschäft sehr stressig wird?

Ich bleibe ruhig, setze Prioritäten und arbeite strukturiert. Außerdem ist mir Teamarbeit wichtig – wenn es stressig wird, unterstütze ich meine Kollegen und behalte den Überblick.


Thursday, March 06, 2025

Just Small Progress

Another video, yay. 

https://youtu.be/18DALUco3AA

I keep looking up Ausbildung offers. Thankfully the Biologielaborant is still there. I hope it stays there until I get a reply from the emails I sent. 

If all else fails, I'll bite the bullet and apply at the hotel. I don't think I'd like that.

Second choice is Lagerlogistik. Why is this shit hard.

Tomorrow, I'll attempt to go to Heidelberg alone to get my prescription. I hope it doesn't go too bad.

Friday, February 28, 2025

Just that This is How It Goes, I Guess

New video uploaded today.


I don't know, man. I just... I don't know what to do as a job. I keep looking at Ausbildung lists. There's a lot of steps. And I imagine myself doing the job description. At first, I'm like, alright, it's doable. That seems cool in my head. And then, these flashes in my mind about posts of people being unhappy with a similar job. I mean, a job isn't always fun. And how can I even decide anything that hasn't even happened yet, and something that I haven't at least taken a step towards into. 

Anyway, husband just arrived. End post.

Monday, February 03, 2025

Just Uploaded Another Video Last Friday

 I don't think it's going too good. No one's watching it. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D91rPyrVci0

Yesterday, I went to church and prayed for some guidance. It was the presentation of child Jesus to the temple. There was a couple of kids present and it was a rare sight to see. 

The suicidal thoughts are there, but it's not as bad as before. It's still bad. This YouTube thing and the career thing. I'm getting older and the gap in my resume is getting wider and wider. It's already February. I should plan on what I want to do with my life here. 

Saturday, January 18, 2025

Just Made a Channel Trailer

Like what the title of this blog post. Here it is.

https://youtu.be/MEyKaMAnxwM

Again, to any of you bots who are actually people who reads this, I hope you watch it 🥹 (kidding)

Friday, January 10, 2025

Just in Between Things

There's this flap at the corner front left of my mouth that I keep touching with my tongue. It's a little bit annoying. 

I'm trying to look for jobs now. There's so many things I want to buy and I want to do it with my own money this time. YouTube's not going too well. Who knows how long that would take. It will bum me out. I want it to work 🥹

I must lose weight. I'm more than 64 kg now. I should be 62 by the end of January. 60 by February. 59-58 by March. If we're trying to be more realistic, 63-January, 62-February, 61-March. All that hard work, man. I reached 54 kg once. My shin hurt. I rested. Damn. I was 57 kg this time last year. Ugh. That's 7 kg in a year. I just looked up 2023 too and I was 60.3 kg. So in a year, I can only lose 3 kg? But easily gain 7 kg? Wtf is this? I just stepped on the scale. 65. I'm sad. This is sad.

Anyway, I downloaded this game called Idle Slayer. I easily get and let myself be distracted lmao

Plans for videos:

First the channel trailer vid, then play ffxvi for a month and make a summary of the game within x seconds. I already started writing the script for the former. 

Have I written about Tenerife? Not sure. Let me check. I haven't. Welp. We went to Tenerife last December 12. His dad wasn't prepared. We weren't prepared for his dad. Long story haha went back on December 15.

Went to Lübeck for Christmas. It was cool seeing the Weinachtsmann tradition. The effort people do. I usually didn't care for this stuff.

Writing all this is making me feel down now. I'm already feeling a bit down before I started writing. I looked at some of the old blog posts for my script too. Some funny shit, man. The first time playing DotA2 post. That was some shit ahahaha funny how you're a different person after 7 years. Wow. It has been 7 years. Damn.


Thursday, January 02, 2025

Just was Told to Write My New Year's Dream Down

 First dream after new years

There was a really long line to I forgot. To my classroom, maybe. 

J***-like teacher girl angry for some reason. Got more angry when something spilled on the floor. I tried to clean it, someone then sprayed an aerosol. She got more angry.

Dream shifted to Assumption, my first school. There was a girl. I think I was a guy. Some song being sung to her that breaks her heart. Another song called Para Sa'yo by Parokya ni Edgar to give her hope, to let her know someone likes her. 

Some sport being played. J*******'s lil bro playing takyan or badminton?

Time to go out of school. P**** gave junk food. I put it in my backpack. Sir C**** was inspecting bags as students went out. He saw the junk food. Told P**** about it. Everyone gathered in front of the gate to eat it, partly blocking the way of the people coming out of the gate. Sir C**** with a weirdchamp face (without the headshake)

Friday, December 20, 2024

Just Another YouTube Video

I uploaded another YouTube video. Here it is. 



Please, let it get a lot of view. I spent a lot of time on it.

Monday, December 09, 2024

Just Pumpkin Pie

We made pumpkin pie today. It was delicious.

It's December, wow. I'm still unemployed. 

I've been working on a 3-minute animation for almost a month now.

I streamed last December 1. It didn't get much views.

I had an impacted wisdom tooth removed last November 28. I took a selfie that I don't remember taking. My sleep got messed up for a long time, maybe until now, by the sedation. 

Went to the gynecologist last December 3. She didn't find any problems.

Went to church last December 1. I'm sorry, Lord, for not going today. 

I haven't been playing Pokemon Go. The last time I played for community day, my outer and inner hip hurt. 

I finished the Down Dog Yoga November challenge. 

Been rinsing my tooth hole with water from a syringe. Maybe I shouldn't overdo it. Maybe it's the clot and not food I'm cleaning out. 

We bought a pothos plant and a succulent last month. We repotted the monstera and snake plant. Wait, no. Is it called a snake plant? I forgot.


Friday, November 15, 2024

Just Promoting This Video Here

I don't know if anyone is even viewing this blog. But if any of these bots that are making the stats increase has a teeny tiny chance to be an actual human, I hope you watch this video I made. 


I am hoping a little bit that it blows up. The realistic part of me thinks that's not gonna happen. I really wish it did, though. It would be kinda sick.

Sunday, November 03, 2024

Just Whatever's Wrong with Me, I Hope It's Nothing, but at the Same Time, I Don't Care

I went to the Notdienstpraxis today because there was blood in my urine. I noticed some red spots yesterday when I peed, but I wasn't sure if it was from my butt or my bladder. The past week I've been noticing some weird smell on my pee, too, that reminded me of my mom lmao. I thought it was a hormonal thing, but it turns out it was a bacterial infection. I've been scratching a lot, too because it was often itchy. Hmm...

I have a dentist appointment on Monday to get my jaw checked. It hurt a lot a month ago that I couldn't fully open my mouth. It hurts to yawn, too. It's slightly better now. There's still a mild pain when I yawn. Yesterday, though, there's been referred or maybe radiating pain on my neck and the back of my head and sometimes my face. The ankle pain is still slightly there, but I'm choosing to ignore it now, like my mild hip pain. The pins and needles sensation on my arms, elbows and hands still come and go. 

Haha. Anyway. Just some health update here so I can note down the symptoms I'm feeling just in case they ask since when I've been having them.

Friday, November 01, 2024

Just Inktober

I decided to do the inktober challenge this year. I didn't do it in the previous years because I didn't want to start something I can't commit to or something I know I can't finish. Another reason was to see if I can be consistent with art, and maybe do it as a profession, like being an animator or illustrator. I downloaded Clip Studio Paint a month ago. I wanted to use the whole 30-day free trial but I my attention was focused on inktober and using actual ink. I guess the trial's expired now.

I really wanted to quit in the middle of the challenge. My husband made me push all the way through. Haha. The prompts were too repetitive or synonymous. It was hard to be creative. I did my own thing by having a banana in each drawing, too. Anyway, here are my drawings:

Day 1: Backpack

Day 2: Discover
Day 3: Boots

Day 4: Exotic

Day 5: Binoculars

Day 6: Trek

Day 7: Passport

Day 8: Hike

Day 9: Sun

Day 10: Nomadic

Day 11: Snacks

Day 12: Remote

Day 13: Horizon

Day 14: Roam

Day 15: Guidebook

Day 16: Grungy

Day 17: Journal

Day 18: Drive

Day 19: Ridge

Day 20: Uncharted

Day 21: Rhinoceros

Day 22: Camp

Day 23: Rust

Day 24: Expedition

Day 25: Scarecrow

Day 26: Camera

Day 27: Road

Day 28: Jumbo

Day 29: Navigator

Day 30: Violin

Day 31: Landmark

Monday, October 07, 2024

Just Want Her to Fuck Off

Yesterday, we met with sensei. I'm writing it now because it's been living in my mind rent-free. She keeps insisting I should make friends, talk to native German people. She keeps insisting enrolling in a course is better. Sure, yeah. But I DON'T WANT TO. I FEEL DEPRESSED WHEN I SOCIALIZE. THE HIGH DURING THE MOMENT AND THEN I JUST CRASH BY THE TIME I'M HOME. 

She brought textbooks ffs. She thought I was still A1-A2. I DON'T WANT TO KEEP BEING FRIENDS WITH HER ANYMORE. 

Anyway, yesterday morning, we had a video chat with k and b. It was because k's gf asked for a break. I shouldn't be writing this here.

Sunday, September 29, 2024

Just Germaning a Couple Paragraphs

Hab heute mit jemandem getroffen. In einem Café. Hab mein Deutsch geübt. 

Ich zeichnete. Es war schwer. Ich will verbessern.

Wednesday, September 11, 2024

Just Physical Pains

It's been constant during my menstrual cycle. The upper left part of my back. The sudden pinching heart pain that goes away after a second. Right now it's by the back of my neck, lower left side. This snapping part of my left collar bone by my neck, like a vein or a nerve, since 2016. Sometimes I feel like my heart's not beating (it is) and I try to jerk my foot or leg to snap out of that trance, and that little surprised feeling when someone jump-scares you comes. Yeah, what is that feeling that you're constantly being jump-scared? Anxiety? Lmao

Every time I mention these stuff to a doc they have no idea what I'm talking about since my vitals and tests are normal. Man. I guess I'm sticking to mindfulness and therapy techniques or whatever. Probably just anxiety or whatever.

Sunday, September 01, 2024

Just a Dream with an Annoying Little Shit

Just had a dream where I just wanted to be an NPC. I think it was a graduating high school kind of setting, a setting I don't want to go back to, because that's when all my mental health downfall began. In the dream I wanted to go to the guidance counselor to discuss this, how I'm feeling depressed, but the buildings were like malls, and it was hard to get around. I had a "don't bother me" face. I remember I had stuff left in the classroom. I remember that Kim M. was there and I was unintentionally mean. I remember I had a boyfriend and I was also unintentionally mean. Then there was the black bird guy who was being an annoying little shit. Tried to get me angry because I was emotionless. I guess that was his way to cheer me up. I remember being lifted up to the ceiling and got a little mad. I tried to walk around trying to avoid everybody I know.

Thursday, August 08, 2024

Just Practicing This Language

Ich versuche deutsch zu schreiben. Muss mehr üben. Ich gehe nicht so oft raus und treffe keine leute. 

Schon August. Hab mein aufenthaltstitel erhalten. 

Heute hab ich meine Animation gezeichnet. Mein ehemann hilft mir. Er leiht mir seinen computer durch meinen laptop. Desktop Sharing.

Ich will beten, dass ich erfolgreich werde. Ich möchte mein YouTube Kanal erfolgreich sein. Gott ist dabei obwohl ich nicht bete. Ich fühle mich noch komisch wenn ich bete. Es würde dankbar, wenn Er mich vergeben kann. 

Meine Sätze sind schlicht. Denke dass ich nicht b2 schreiben kann. Ugh.

Edit:

I can't really update really well if I'm writing in german. Lol. Can't express fully.

I decided to take a break from pokemon go for the month of august. I want my left leg to heal and I should pause, if playing this game is the cause of the pain. 

Apartment is 70% home-y, I guess. He still needs to install the lamps and the kitchen shelf. We need to throw the mountain of cardboard. I should arrange the table in his work room. The clothes cabinet is so *chef's kiss*. He's ordering a new microwave since the one that arrived is crappy. I think we still need a bigger fridge. I miss our induction stove. I miss the cold weather. Summer is too warm. I should call my mom soon. She probably misses me and needs someone to talk to.

Wednesday, July 10, 2024

Just Hope He Doesn't See This

The only thing I remember from my dream last night was that carb was playing pokemon go with another of his friends and he could see my location and went there, like it felt like he wanted to meet me. I think I'm reality it was the other way around.