Just Telling You to Don't Mind Me, I'm Just Being My Normal Self

I still feel shitty. Haha. Man, when was the last time I haven't felt shitty? How do you get rid of this shittiness? I mean, maybe I'm not trying hard enough. I haven't been sleeping early nor waking up early. I haven't been exercising. I still take showers, which is good. It wouldn't be long before I would stop taking them. Back then, I haven't showered for months, thinking if I didn't clean myself, the bacteria would just infect my body and would just let me die. I really wanted to die that time. I was in and out of consciousness. I didn't get out of my bed for almost a month. Just slept through it. When I'd open my eyes, my body wanting to wake up, I would just close them again, smother my face on the pillow, so the light wouldn't bother my eyes. I would face down so they won't see my face. This was 3 years ago, I think? Maybe I shouldn't talk about the past anymore if it would make me feel bad. Right now, I just feel numb and shitty.